Abrupt posts are the way to go.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006 @10:39 AM
obsessive-compulsive disorder(ocd): is a psychiatric disorder or rather an anxiety disorder. it is most commonly characterized by a subject's obsessive, distressing, intrusive thoughts and related compulsions which attempt to neutralize the obsessions.
i have decided to blog something about this disorder of mine, hoping by penning it down, i am able to cure it, cause i would like to think if i understand and know certain compulsive disorder of mine, i am able to vanish it. i know that there are many people out there who have this disorder, well just a fellow warning, if by chance that any of this disorder may disgust you out, please leave.
so after researching on this disorder, i have found that the following are my disorders:
1.wanting to wash my hand all time because i feel it is dirty.
-actually i think this happens to everyone, not only myself but many others.
2. occasionally i would want certain items to be place straight and crooked all where i feel like it.
-this is a horrible terrible disorder and occasionally gets rather irritating.
3. i hate it when i throw litter on the floor, or when i miss the rubbish suit and the litter gets on the floor. i will have to pick it up which will lead back to the first disorder where i will find that my hands are dirty and have to wash them.
-i think this is good for the environment actually.
4. sometimes, i feel the need to repeat my words until i want like it the way it is phrase.
-this get me and the other party irritated.
5. i hate loud noises, and when i hear them, i feel the need to soften them.
-this happens a lot around a stereo where i have to keep on adjusting the volume of it.
6. when i'm in class, and sitting on a chair, i will feel the need to move my chair to a certain place where the chair will be straight.
-this gets annoying cause my chair never feels it is straight and when i move the chair, sometimes it gives a screeching sound which annoys the hell of me cause i have ocd of noises.
7. not being able to stand my white finger nails. everytime i see a white colour fingernail which is poping up from my fingers, i have to cut it.
-this is rather good for school. never got caught by my teachers for having long fingernails.
8. brushing my teeth until my gums bleed.
-okay i admit it, this is a horrible compulsive disorder. it is probably one i would like to cure. the reason for this it's cause only when my gums bleed do i feel that my teeth is clean. it only started when my gums start bleeding.
oh god, let me cure this disorder.
okay, that's about it. anymore and i'll pen it down in another entry or so. the only cure for this now (which is by the way it hasn't gotten me a stage where it is rather bad) is, believe it or not: my laziness.
amazing huh?
obsessive compulsive disorder
how irritating can it be?
i wish it would just disappear
so that i can just be me.
its a syndrom
which cease to decrease
medication
oh what if it increase?
a fear causes it
education enlightens it
knowing about it
means understanding it
have a grasp of knowledge
hoping for a cure
momentarily it will be gone
but soon not for long
an irritating disorder it is
it works in the mind
psychologically it will find
the need to rest in mine
'obsessive compulsive disorder (ocd)'
tagged replies:
Briana: oh man, enough. haha, this poems are just a form of my feelings.
DarkSR: nothing to tag don't tag. =x
Clare: haha, thanks!
Monday, October 30, 2006 @8:31 PM
there's this huge bruise on my leg right now which is slowly dissapearing thanks to marvelous ice pack. i can be officially a klutz sometimes.
thank goodness for 'human smartness.'
no one's stupid, trust me and trust yourself.
life's a wonder
in a certain way
something anew
has rush though my veins
my confidence seem a little repressed
yet sometimes shot at
hopes seems a lot
when you want something
you never got
but it all lies within
not a facade
but hidden for a decade
times flies pass
sometimes couldn't ask
but now it is here
i'll make the best times
of it
so that things will be clear
'confidence passing by'
tagged reply:
Cel: :)
Clare: miss you too.
Briana: hmm, read the post again. i think you'll understand better.
E.T.: ...
Jin: flattered you think like that. =x
Saturday, October 28, 2006 @11:04 PM
living life
however we want
and doing whatever we want. can't we all do that?
i guess occasionally we would want freedom, thinking that we don't have enough of it all the time. how societies constrict us to a living space and not being able to move.
having jobs that sometimes we feel it so tiring, that when we come back home, we don't even feel like moving. going to school each day, feeling that there are not enough holidays.
we feel that don't we?
life's an inspirational
life's a lost
we need sunshine
we need rain
we need to get rid of
this occasional pain
freedom of speech
struggles of our life
heart weeping
life decreasing
and yet we still live on
as age grows older
reliefs gets wiser
we learnt from past
better for future
time goes on
even when you stop
so please carry on
cause that's when you know
you won't drop
'topic of life'
tagged replies:
E.T.: but we are still humans are we? i mean with a heart and all. (well of course i think you meant that some don't =x)
Thursday, October 26, 2006 @4:11 PM
funny how sometimes when we phrase words in different ways it means different things when bottom line, it's actually the same.
perceptions i suppose.
irritating i know,
but sometimes, we can't help it.
within our hearts we're all the same, but aren't we not on the outer surface?
isn't that why we have friends? i mean, admit it.
if we know people that are exactly the same, i doubt any of us would even exist, cause there's no point then. cause everyone would think exactly the same, do everything the same, and everywhere in the world would finally be the same. so where's life then? what would impact this planet called 'earth' and make things different.
the answer: us.
different lives, different places, different personalities, different thinking and all living in the same world.
how this life can be so contradicting?
the answer: it's okay to be different. we're all different. far as we admit it, sometimes we can't stand each individual guts but we can't help it can we? just remember that this person is living on the same planet as i am, so i guess he/she's there for a reason, just like all of us. this is of course to prevent bashing the other's person face.
so in my personal conclusion: each individual is special on the outer surface, but same inside our hearts.
care for others,
speak for others,
understand others,
and try to understand you.
life's a homecoming
a rush, a sensation
hopes dashing
and yet somehow
becoming
living in this world
that turn
similar in some ways
different in others
this is what we care
to help, to safe
whatever we can
to be special
we are special
troubling times alas
bring it back to home
where it may seem we are alone
but even when we're lonely
so lonely
there are people out there
so don't be canny
live life
just like how it should be
can't we all see?
'the earth'
occasionally we can't
but we have to try
cause we're still alive
and until we die
there's always a chance
a fucking chance.
tagged replies:
DarkSR: okay, soon.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006 @6:30 PM
'not knowing something doesn't make you stupid.'
cause we learn.
everyday of our lives,
we learn something new.
be it about a person, logic, music, anything, we learn about them everyday without realizing it.
not wanting to impress, but for self-knowledge, for various reasons.
this year came and went like a dash, but it has been one of the greatest thrill for me. i learnt more than i realized until recently.
about myself,
about others.
understanding others,
understanding ourselves.
time flies by
without a tie
learning and understanding
constant anticipating
knowing how
knowing why
not knowing something
doesn't make you stupid
we just have to learnt
and not to follow a cupid
listen deeply
flow instantly
if it does not make sense
we can try our hands
use them wisely
and not mindlessly
these are the times
when we enjoy our world
wordlessly.
'learning; experiencing'
its true occasionally i can't understand,
but i can't know everything,
so that's why i learn,
and through that,
i'll know more.
tagged replies:
Clare: no, =x opps, sorry, sledom listen to radio remember?
E.T.: hahas, we learn.
DarkSR: i want to meet her! she's really sweet. hahas.
Friday, October 20, 2006 @10:46 PM
i wonder sometimes what happens when i escape into my inner shell,
and the world just stops at my feet,
not revolving anymore.
letting my foolish selfish actions take over me.
being conceited.
just being on my own.
self-thoughts.
and being self-centered.
i would call this my own world.
doing what i want,
having what i want,
knowing what i want.
but then again, i can't.
cause the world is shared,
and i meet different types of people,
personality,
faces,
problems.
and we are all different in many ways.
and yet similar in some others.
don't fret if you don't find anyone in common,
sometimes it just takes time.
and mistakes,
cause it's common to have them.
we live for others like how we live for ourselves.
sometimes we may not agree,
but it happens.
cause this is the world,
and even though occasionally i don't want anything coming to me,
it still comes.
cause the world is still constantly spinning.
tagged replies:
Deb: :)
E.T.: haha. you mean you?
DarkSR: up to you. =x
Wednesday, October 18, 2006 @11:09 PM
'failures is a path to sucess.'
i find this very true.
no matter how much i wish to deny, i have to say. it's probably the best quote i ever heard.
it gives people support and encouragement in different ways; both physcially and mentally.
although sometimes it does not work on some, i'm sure either way we can find a solution to it all.
this has reached out to some. so if you ever felt that you failed in something, remember that there's always something out there that leads to a better future. if you failed twice, try thrice.
life's a gamble. risk it.
a dangerous wall
a lousy brick
a path to death
it's not a trick
steady goes well
do not fall
as there is something
out there
that's usually fair
failures are roots
sucess are suits
it is nothing
if you want something
life's a gamble
risk it
and be humble
sadness is everything
and yet sometimes
happiness is nothing
'a gambling thrust'
tagged replies:
Savie: paul dano is officially nicer. :)
Jin: hello lion.
DarkSR: congrats.
E.T.: okay i'm ignoring your statements.
Su: silience can be everything.
Clare: okay, can't wait.
Sunday, October 15, 2006 @11:41 PM
sometimes, the best method in helping someone is not saying anything.
keeping quiet.
well, that's my theory that is.
believing that staying silent is the method, sometimes is the only offer i can make.
listening to one's own words is usually a much better help.
a silent treatment may also make a person better. in character, in self-building and everything you may possibly think of.
not always trying to praise
not struggling to praise
is sometimes the best method
it is an unknown help that no one would possibly think of doing.
cause it's natural for people to just talk. and praise.
silence
a blessing in disguise
never knowing
ever wondering
but yet
helping
others
ourselves
learning about
life
quiet
a blissful way
in not saying goodbye
loving is silence
cause it shows peace
and yet
we must differ
right from wrong
knowing and understanding
cause that's important
playing a factor role
of life
of me
of everyone
'an unknown cure'
tagged replies:
Haze: amazing :)
E.T. : =D
Saturday, October 14, 2006 @12:20 AM
hoping and having something that was not possible.
but soon when you realize that you actually can, do you get a kick?
and feel that you can actually do something about it?
sometimes, my mind is also in a whirl. constantly wondering and pondering.
yet sometimes, it can be blank. a mind which is supposed to be working but is not.
is it cause occasionally we're all tired out? tired of thinking and just wishing that sometimes everything will just stop, and you're in control of it.
i admit i did.
if it happens, will you?
think about life
think about the future
reflect on the past
constantly move on
and life will be much better
life occasionally will be hard
but we learn from it
as that's what i move on
from
learning from mistakes
correcting them
hoping that i can build
a better me
a better place
to help others
to help ourselves
we live in fear
may be poverty
but if we conquer
we may survive
the tragedy
that has affected us all
small, big
it did
but life is not the end
as long as you're
still breathing
living
surviving.
'hopes of life'
Savie: :)
E.T. : i deinfetly agree.
Clare: up to you. haha!
Wednesday, October 11, 2006 @10:07 PM
does the world only revolve this much?
i supposed this is the maximum it can go. it only spins until a certain length.
just like how sometimes everyone head spins like a merry-go-round.
the world at your feet, thrown there. are you going to change it? or just let it be?
a question to ponder.
but i'm ready,
if it does come.
'i'll change it for the better'
and if it doesn't
i'll go to it.
at least i'll try,
thank for giving me this opptunity.
i can't wait for it to start.
oh wait,
it has already started hasn't it?
the skies are turning
clouds are returning
the world is revolving
around you
and me
and everyone else
don't fraud
cause that's what the world does
even though it seems
as though the world
has stopped moving
it hasn't
cause if it does
cruelty has set us apart
living in the past we are
move on to the future
don't look back
cause it will destroy
the things that you
have in mind
in life
i'm done
are you?
'loyalties of life'
E.T.: blegh, hairstyles, they make a difference do they?
DarkSR: doing it now i should think
Claree: yes yes, crashing at my house. i'll be waiting :)
Tuesday, October 10, 2006 @8:55 PM
'teaching others, is where you learnt'
definetly.
tagged replies:
E.T.: japanese guys were the ones i was intersted in. =x :)
Monday, October 09, 2006 @11:55 PM
is it me? must be.
'i wish occasionally i don't have feelings.'
then i wouldn't need to feel these 'things' that i occasionally feel.
a short breath, maybe?
perhpas.
my mind is still constantly in a whirl. hoping for a change despite denial.
a change will be good.
if what say you, we: floating in space or burnt in mars.
it is not to impress
just occasionally how i feel
don't be mistaken
cause,
don't we all?
empty feelings of trust
hope of denial
sometimes we hate so much
how we must feel
do we not care
for others
or for ourselves
we constantly live
thriving to be better
than ourselves
than others
hopefully we live
sound so much better
music drumming in my ears
composing for later
dreams coming true
deja vu?
wishes and dreams
weirdness
later in streams
tears comes down in our eyes
we hope to dissapear
from nightmares
from here
earth is our home
don't deny
we live here
and is one all
can't you see
we know now
how much it is to be
'oh? earth we see'
excuse it if you think is horrible. its just some, random thoughts of life.
tagged replies:
Savie: smiles!
Cel: honour, right...i'm having second thoughts about now. =x
E.T.: serious? jealous....
Sunday, October 08, 2006 @2:49 PM
sometimes we wonder, we're consious on what other people think about us. no matter how much we deny, occasionally, we still do.
because we're humans, not perfect but striving to be one. inside each of us, we know. some of us deny, some of us admit.
afraid i guess?
afraid to admit, like everything else. striving for perfection knowing somehow another, we can't be.
but can't we wish? having this empty feeling deep in my heart, somehow waiting for a miracle to happen.
wishes are for everyone. it can happen, it can be reality. you just need to believe, in yourself, in reality.
i must not be afraid
i must not be consious
i must be everything i need
to fall and to rise up again
failures are part of life
just like how hearts can be broken
but we pick it up
and place it together again
like a jigsaw puzzle
yet not
cause we can't stick them together
but we know
and we will believe
how important every pieces is
will be
and forever lasting
Saturday, October 07, 2006 @12:19 AM
one week.
a week that seemed the fastest and yet the longest of my life.
exam was something i overcame thanks to everybody who played a big part of my life through mugging. no matter how small it seems to you, you all did. friends, family, conors.
thank you all for being there when i broke down and cried, so that now everything now falls into place.
tensions from exams have been gone, and i can continue to live on what i had before. no drastic changes but yet more knowledge learnt along the way.
'you seek for what i have not, for what i have become. '
thank you each day for what i have not said,
reasons beyond my greatful heart,
countless search have i not receed.
troubles flowing away,
the kid in me dissapearing,
and yet all falls into play.
my hopes desiring
learning things each day
hoping and wondering
always, forever, and ever.
now that exams are gone
perhaps everything would die out
tensions would fall
and nothing will build up
across the sand
across the sea
i know what is it feel
to learn something you never thought possible
my heart still cuts deep into my soul
why?
someone, please stop it.
thank you all.
i cough,
i pray each day,
hoping i learn something new
in every way.
tagged replies:
DarkSR: toot brain.
PiLLoWry: it's finally almost over.
Priscillia: oh okay, haha. thanks
E.T.: How was your trip?
Elizabeth: i think i comforted you enough. =x
